Movies I’ve Never Seen [I’m ashamed to admit]
I’ve seen a fair number of movies, but I wouldn’t say that I’m a connoisseur. I’ve never seen anything directed by Godard. I’m not really up on famous arthouse directors. I just spend a lot of my time enjoying movies, and a lot of them are indie flicks or foreign films. To people who only watch blockbusters, I might seem like I know a lot about film, but I actually don’t know shit. (My first and only date from Match.com tried to have a conversation with me about Fellini and “8 1/2” and it was one of the more painfully awkward conversations in my experience. It’s always so sad when people try to impress you with their knowledge of stuff you don’t give a shit about.) Movies are just for fun for me.
But there are several films in particular that I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve never seen. It’s a fun question to think about for yourself, and it’s a strange thing to be embarrassed about, but I am. When people bring them up, I quietly smile and nod, but I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I wouldn’t say that I pretend that I’ve seen them, but I don’t proactively bring up the fact that I haven’t. People get really loud and outraged about it. It’s frankly amazing that I’ve lived to be 25 in the environment that I did having never set my eyes on any of them. There are certainly more than the 3 that I’m going to bring up that I haven’t seen, but tonight these are the ones that come to mind.
1. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
I know I’ve seen scenes from this movie. Sometimes there’s a ferrari…..
Ok, no, seriously I’ve never seen this movie. I’m not even sure I know what it’s about. He skips school and borrows a ferarri that he shouldn’t. That’s all I know. Maybe that’s the entire plot? I don’t even know whose ferrari it is. There’s probably a school principle involved. Or maybe I’m juxtaposing from The Breakfast Club?
This movie is iconic for people in my generation, and they talk about it a lot and quote from it frequently, but somehow I’ve never had the pleasure of being exposed to it. I think I would watch it if someone brought it over for me, but I’m also afraid that it might be like The Goonies, which I didn’t see until I was 21. I think people like The Goonies so much because they loved it as children, but it’s a terrible movie to watch for the first time as an adult. It’s horrendously bad. This fear of awfulness is what keeps me from seeing Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. What if I hate it? I’d rather not know, for the time being.
2. Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail.
Nora Ephron just died, which is what inspired this post because I haven’t seen many of her movies. I’ve entirely missed the onscreen chemistry between Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks with these two films. (She really liked Meg Ryan, eh? It’s funny how directors do that. Yeah, I’m talking about you, Tim Burton). These, I think, I would really enjoy, and again, if someone played them for me I would gladly watch them, but I have no desire to seek them out on my own. I’ve just go this general sense of ennui towards Sleepless in Seattle. (I don’t think I’ll ever use the word ennui again because it’s fucking pretentious. Yuck! I take it back! I’ve been reading too much Count of Monte Cristo!).
I’ve never seen the Count of Monte Cristo either, but that doesn’t embarrass me, and I’ll probably watch it soon. As soon as I finish the book, which is 6 billion pages long.
3. The Big Lebowski
This one is ridiculous considering the number of male friends I’ve had who have been obsessed with the Cohen brothers. I’ve seen every other movie by these guys, but never The Big Lebowski. This is probably the movie that I’m the most embarrassed to admit that I’ve never seen. I know I would like it. I even kind of know the plot. There are white russians and something about carpets? And milk mustaches?
I also had a painful date moment in regards to this movie. I don’t know what it is about guys trying to tell me about movies I haven’t seen on dates, but it’s happened on every single real date I’ve ever been on. Obviously, I am doing things wrong.
This time I didn’t even know I was on a date. We met for coffee, but then he was “hungry” so we went for Thai food instead, and then he paid for it, and then I realized I was on a date. Tricky. And he spent probably 5 full minutes trying to explain something about milk mustaches, even though I’d said I hadn’t seen it. He insisted on quoting and explaining the whole set up to me, all the while laughing and laughing. It was…ineffectual.
I still want to see the movie. Just not with him.
Those are mine. What are yours?